If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

In each of the 12 months of the year, we talk in detail about the corresponding step in the 12-Step Program. This month, we’ll talk about step 8, making a list of all the people we have wronged and becoming willing to make amends with them.

While living the selfish life of an addict, we take more than we ever give back to people. We use up their friendships, exploit their generosity, and lash out at their attempts to help until we find ourselves with no one but toxic people in our lives.

At the time we were hurting people, we felt justified in doing so. After all, we wouldn’t have wronged them if they hadn’t disagreed with us, gotten in our way, or offered to help. But once we understand in steps 1 through 7 that we are not the center of the universe and have been living very selfish lives, the guilt of what we’ve done becomes a tremendous burden that keeps us from moving forward.

Unless we start the process of righting the wrongs we’ve done to people, we continue to have a fragmented self. We can never feel whole when one part of us is riddled with shame and guilt. As a result, we isolate ourselves from those who have tried to help us; which is exactly what the addict inside of us desires. Like an abusive partner or parent, if the addict part of our self can keep us feeling isolated and powerless, it has control over us.

In step eight we must make a list of everyone we have mistreated, everyone and every institution to whom we owe money, everyone we have wronged. This list will include:

• Children
• Parents
• Extended family
• Friends
• Employers
• Past coworkers
• Pets and animals
• Creditors
• Institutions

You may feel tempted to leave some off your list, such as a creditor that is no longer bothering you. But unfinished business that is a result of your past behavior will still weigh on your conscious. The better you become, the heavier it will burden you. Sooner or later it may come back to haunt you and the emotions of inadequacy will come rushing back and empower the addict within you. Be certain to leave no one off your list.

Once you’ve finished this list, making sure to leave no one out, it’s time to begin making phone calls and set appointments to clear up the wreckage you’ve caused in your addictive state. Though it may seem terrifying to confront people who have seemed so hostile to you, you will begin to feel lighter and more in control with every call. This is a powerful step that where you take ownership of your life and your responsibilities and begin to live as a whole person once again.

Tags: Alcoholism, Recovery //